A guest post from Ann Favreau:

I’m a writer, a poet, and a caregiver.

My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2021. I am trying to find joy in the journey.

I was aware that I couldn’t change the situation, but I learned that I could reframe it. I had to look at it differently. I tried to examine my behavior and modify it to make his days as peaceful as possible.

Did I succeed? Not always. When I get upset, I try to take a deep breath and think about my response.

First Steps

After my husband’s diagnosis, I tried to educate myself. I wanted to understand, to make sense of his world.

It is difficult watching someone we love decline in front of our eyes. Sadness is part of the caregiver’s journey.

While having coffee with a women’s group, I heard one woman say how the site careblazers.com had provided good information and strategies for retaining and enhancing a wonderful relationship with your loved one.

That evening, I investigated the site. It was a great starting place.

Careblazers provided me with a great deal of information about how our brains work. I learned strategies to use my brain for positive action.

A Different Kind of Dance

One of the things my husband and I enjoyed as a young couple was square dancing. My husband was so much better than I was at remembering the sequence of the intricate calls.

Now, we are experiencing a different kind of square dance … a dance “between mild aggravation and joy.”

My writing has helped me frame our “altered life.” Reflecting on and writing about our situation has helped me as I search for perspective and joy.

Here’s part of a poem I wrote about our experience. I share it here with the hope that my words help other caregivers facing similar situations.

Dementia Square Dance

It’s a dance these days
Between mild aggravation and joy.
The situations leave me
In the square waiting for the call,
Anticipating the do si dos of back to back
Circumstances I can’t foresee.

I swing my partner, hold him tight,
Another day, another night,
Promenading through this altered life.

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Ann Favreau is a retired educator. She is a member of the Florida Writers Association and the Florida State Poets Association.

Here is a link to purchase her latest book, “The Dementia Spiral,” on Amazon. In 24 poignant poems, she reflects on the impact of dementia on her husband and on herself as the primary caregiver. Songs & Smiles is part of the Amazon Associates program, so we may receive a small commission if you purchase items after clicking on this link.